Toy story

If they were a band, they'd have to be called Bubba Buttcrack and the Fatbacks.

They rented the little green cottage (at the right) so they could go to a wedding -- you could tell from the precious way they were dressed in Cracker Formal when they all went out together just before sunset, with the wimmin carrying fancy plastic gift bags.

The cast of five: The mom and dad (if you saw him bending at all, you'd appreciate the band name), a single son, and a son coupled up with a woman he apparently met at Wal-mart. (She and Big Momma had matching perms and dye jobs.)

Big Bubba and the missus came down in serious metal: the F-450 extended cab, long-bed, four-wheel-drive, all-terrain monster at the end of the block. Miss Wal-mart and her Lochinvar -- who seemed to have a competition going with his brother about size, sound and street distance of hawked-up goobers -- had the extended-cab big Dodge in the foreground. They also brought the two scooters in front of the Dodge. And a Harley. And they rented the electric cart for good measure, and then rented a Segway, which Daddy Buttcrack rode like a bronco all up and down our street, whooping. All on our quiet little block of Old Town.

That's 22 wheels among 'em. Wouldn't it have been cheaper just to bring the whole damn trailer down?